Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
