Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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