look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
