I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
