So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
