I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
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Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
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Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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