just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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