I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
