I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
there's paper in my vomit.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
