counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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