Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
