Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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