I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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