could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
