i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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