Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
