She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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