3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
