I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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