Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
