i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
