i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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