i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
