im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
