dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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