he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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