i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
