Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
