sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
