I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
high people should be assigned attendants
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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