We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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