I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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