my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
