Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
