What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.