I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
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You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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