so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
and she was petting her beer can
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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