It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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