I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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