I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
