2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
