Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
