how hairy? two words: wookie tits
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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