someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Randomize
