He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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