We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
