Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I feel like abortions should bother me more
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
