They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
