Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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