I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
