so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
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I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
These tits shall not be calmed
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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