i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
