Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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