all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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