Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
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he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I will be naked everywhere
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
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No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
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