You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You are the jesus of drinking
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
