Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize