I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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