Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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