our cab driver is having phone sex.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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