I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Boobs are out for the taking
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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