hotel room ftw
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
