I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We are all done wearing pants today
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
