2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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