dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
she peed on how many people?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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