like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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