i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
