my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
