An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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