You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
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They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
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I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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