I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
