I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
40s are totally the cure
Go christen that room with your naked body.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
