I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
